Discernment

Today was the third meeting of the discernment group, and I realized I have not yet blogged about discerning.

At the first meeting, we talked about what discernment is and thought about what we want to get out of the group. I decided it will be an opportunity to talk about my options without feeling any added pressure, and it would give me specific time to think about life after graduation (not that I don't think about it enough already).

At the second meeting, we further explored what discernment is and all the different aspects of discernment.

Tonight we thought about our lives. We had 20 minutes to map out timelines of our lives. I learned that my whole life seems to revolve in some way around school. I think about time in terms of what grade I was in. My biggest events include starting preschool, kindergarten, high school and college; graduating middle school and high school; playing school sports and any big moments involved in that); going to state in speech; going to Biloxi; deciding to graduate early; and joining all of the activities I am currently involved in. I actually had to go back and fill in other things I had forgotten about. My life revolves around school, and after May 8th I won't be a student anymore. Naturally, this makes me a little nervous.

On the other hand, it makes me really excited. In just over seven months, I'll be a part of the "real world" and will have no choice but to experience really meaningful things. I'll have new opportunities and new "big" moments.

I'm almost relieved I haven't figured out my plans for the future yet. How can I determine what I want to do with my life after school when everything I do is somehow rooted in school?

I'm really starting to think more about my faith, how I can serve God when I am no longer just handed opportunities to do so, social justice, and what's really going to be important in my life. I'm more convinced than ever that I want to volunteer for a year or two after graduation. I love the idea of fully dedicating myself to service for a while and keeping that a priority in my life. I like that it would give me time to re-evaluate my life against standards other than the school-based ones I've always used.

I'm ready for the focus of my life to be on something other than materialism, success, and pride.